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Did you hear the one about?

 

I've been asked to contribute some poker articles for pokersource.com and I'm having a real problem with it because, while I enjoy writing, I have a hard time writing about something I don't know a lot about. Although I've been playing poker all my life, it's been mostly with family and friends and nothing real exciting has ever happened.

I do, however, like a good joke...sooooooo, I've racked my brain (and used Google) and have decided that what I can share with you are funny stories I've either heard or read over the years that involve gambling. I hope you like them.

Joke #1:

Three co-workers decide to take a vacation in Vegas together and bring along their wives for a fun week of gambling, shows and anything else that strikes their fancy. Back to work the following Monday they compare notes. The first guy says "I don't think I'll ever do that again! My wife played craps 24/7 and last night she kept flinging her arms and shouting "7 come11" all night long. I haven't had a wink of sleep!"

The second guy says "I know what you mean. My wife played black jack all last week and the whole night she kept slapping the bed and shouting "hit me light or hit me hard". I haven't had a wink of sleep either!"

The third guy says "That's nothing. My wife played the slots the whole time we were there and this morning I woke up with a sore dick and an ass full of quarters!"

Joke #2:

After literally gambling away his last cent, John had to borrow a dime from another gambler just to use the men's room. The stall happened to be open, so he used the dime in a slot machine instead and hit the jackpot. He took his winnings and went to the blackjack table and parlayed his jackpot winnings into ten million dollars.

Wealthy beyond his wildest dreams, John went on the lecture circuit to tell his incredible story. He told his audiences that he was eternally grateful to his benefactor, and if he ever found the man he would share his fortune with him.

After months of lectures, a man in the audience jumped up and said, "I'm that man. I was the one who gave you the dime." John paused, looked into the audience and said, "You're not the one I'm looking for. I'm looking for the guy who left the stall door open!"

Joke #3:

A man walks into a bar and notices a poker game at the far table. Upon closer inspection he sees a dog sitting at the table with cards and chips in front of it. When the next hand begins, he's amazed to see the dog is also dealt to, and even more amazed when the dog acts in turn with all the other players, calling, raising, discarding, everything the other human players are doing.

After several minutes the man, no longer able to hold his tongue, quietly says to one of the players, "I can't believe that dog is playing poker, he must be the smartest dog in the world!".

The player smiles and responds, "he isn't that smart. Every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail!"

If you enjoyed these, let me know...if you have any of your own, please share them with me for future articles.